A few months ago I had a breakthrough book idea. It was a rip-off of an 80’s bestseller “Everything Men Know about Women” – and I must say I was so proud of myself that I called my literary agent to tell him about it.

My idea was brilliant and HONEST. Not to mention an easy way to get a book published in a hurry . . . so I thought. The book was to be titled, “All I Know about Being a Great Dad.”  When you opened it, there would be a title page and a table of contents that would read Chapter 1, 2, 3, and so on. Then the rest of the book would be blank pages!

The only thing more exciting to me was the speed in which my agent called me back.  It was the only call he’s returned in months. (Hope he doesn’t read this.) Of course he pooped all over my idea, but he suggested that I write a book on “How to Be a Good Dad,” not a great Dad he said, adding “That bar is too intimidating for most men.”

Since then I have been chewing on that statement. (Not the proposed book title, but the intimidating comment.) I have one very simple response to his comment: HOW SAD!  There have been many comments, but little action on the Fatherless state of our Nation, so I don’t intend to make my commentary on that subject. (At least not directly.)

As a “kids’ minister,” everyone seems to think I read the manual on pouring values into children. In fact, they act as though I’m an authority who actually wrote a chapter or two in it – I guess because they’ve concluded that I am able to reach the heart of their kids. That’s to God’s credit, not mine, by the way.

Now the punch line: I have no intention of writing a book or article on being a good dad or fabulous parent, but I do have a few things to say. I have talked to children’s pastors and principals alike about reaching the heart of the kids with whom we work. Though the approach between ministry and education is very different, there is a common thread: The involvement of parents is the key in spiritual, educational and character development in children. 

Just today, one of the parent sponsors in the ministry I run told me that the principal of her school voiced frustration to her over the fact that parents appear to be dropping their kids off to Kids for Christ just as a form of free babysitting. The principal just couldn’t believe that so many parents appear unwilling to assist with the club, but they’ll gladly leave their kids in our care in order to get a little extra time to themselves.  

It’s a known fact that children who excel in school are the children whose parents spend intentional time with them. It doesn’t even need to be “quality” time, just time.  I’ve heard moms beat themselves up about not being a great mom because they didn’t teach their child such and such. My own wife occasionally beats herself up for not teaching our sons more of God’s word.  I believe in that.  One thing trumps teaching: Living it in front of them. Years ago one of my children’s ministry teachers made a profound statement that I have seen to be true. He said, “Children can spot a phony a mile a way.” (Personally I think it’s two miles.) 

My wife, Shelly, and I have had many times when we’ve failed and argued in front of our boys, or yelled at them out of frustration, BUT we’ve also gone to great lengths to intentionally love on the guys. We also let them know that Shelly and I are crazy about each other, a fact that I think breeds stability in them. They also know we are even crazier about God and that we are very human.   

I will wrap this up with a story. Last week, a little girl, probably 6 or 7 years old, came up to me after Kids for Christ in her school. Others were clamoring for my attention so she just waited. When I got to her, she held out her hand and presented me with five pennies and said, “Mr. Bob, when you go to church on Sunday, will you put that in the offering for me?”  I don’t know if her parents taught her to give, but if I had to guess, I bet they lived it in front of her. 

So here’s the deal if you want to effectively reach your kids at any level: Be consistent, loving, and most of all intentional in what you do in front of them. 

I promise you there will be many days you wonder if that Bob guy was an absolute loon. Quite frankly, I’ve felt that way many times as a dad of three for 16 years now, but just recently my oldest son told me that when he graduates in two years he wants to go to Youth with a mission in Colorado (where the shooting happened a few weeks ago) for six months and then to Oral Roberts University. True, that’s just his “two-year plan,” but I must say I think it’s a good one. My point: Consistently love your kids intentionally. The result you desire may require an endurance course, but LOVE NEVER FAILS.