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Dating Perspectives of a Christian Teen's Dad |
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 Right off the bat, I am just going to tell you three things:
1. In this case the teenager is my SON. Have you ever noticed that articles like this are usually written from the perspective of the girl’s father?2. If you buy into the “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” theory, I should just kiss you goodbye right now, because you won’t want to hear this.
3. If you are looking for some deep spiritual directive in this piece, good luck! I promise not to use multiple Scriptures to make my points, just Biblically based horse sense. I intend this to poignant, but slightly comedic. Parenting is hard enough with a sense of humor.
Trust me: the “world,” as we call them, knows better. We would win more of them by being real, by admitting we don’t know it all. I think the way “Christian” parents handle dating screams, “FLAKE” to outsiders. At the very least, they think “If those Christian kids are so good, why are their parents so overprotective” and unrealistic”.
What am I saying? Simply that in Christian circles we have many opinions and usually ours is the one that is right. (You’ll soon see I am no different.) Opinions regarding how we raise our children are even more interesting.
Since I am a father of three sons, it dawned on me a few years ago that my sons (and I) would likely be faced with the typical “meeting the girlfriend’s dad situation”. I laughed it off like most do, thinking, “Hey, all men know how men think, and these boys need the fear of God put into them.” Funny thought, until you’re the father of a young man who is truly on fire for God. In fact quoting him, “I won’t have a girlfriend if it interferes with my relationship with God.” These are the heart felt words of my son just before leaving to spend his Spring Break on a in town missions trip.
The night before the trip, we allowed him to have a party for the team and SHE was among the many guys and girls who came to my house. Before SHE left, she introduced herself to me and I was stunned. The next day when my wife was at the site of the trip, SHE asked my wife’s permission to ask him to her prom. Now my wife was stunned. Of course Shelly said OK and at the end of the trip, the girl brought my son an energy drink and attached a note, asking him to her prom on April 19th. (Ah, High School romance.) Naturally he accepted; of course, the fact that she is gorgeous, I am sure, had nothing to do with anything.
Next thing I knew, I found myself violating every unspoken, unwritten rule I had left. My wife thinks I’m strange , but before we had children I had adopted certain rules such as: I didn’t want to hold any babies until the baby was my own. I remember several times being backed into a corner where I couldn’t say no, but I sure tried. When Brayden was born, I didn’t want to put him down. I later came up with a couple other unspoken, unwritten rules. They go like this:
• I will not allow myself to let my guard down with any girlfriend my sons ever have, until I know that the girl and my son are engaged. (This is a means to guard my heart and be objective when teen crushes go south.)
• My son is just as special as any man’s daughter so, no man has the right to intimidate my son.
Seem like good rules? They did to me. However, being the father of three sons, I wasn’t prepared for the power of big sparkly eyes and a huge sweet smile. OH, and the power of the printed word. This is something men my age are not ready for…FACEBOOK. My son’s girlfriend started sending me messages via Facebook before she ever batted her big eyes. She knew my son was nervous about talking to her Dad and wanted to know what she could do to put him at ease. Her purity of heart and genuine concern about him obliterated my silly rules. I even found myself telling my son that I thought this girl was worth feeling the intimidation he might feel while asking her father permission to date his daughter. Let me tell you my son was (and still is) intimidated.
These two kids are cute to watch, but what is most impressive is the respect that they have for one another and the fear of the Lord that governs their lives and relationship. If they ever split, it may be Shelly and I who suffer a broken heart. I guess at worst, SHE will be the standard against which I measure all future young ladies in the lives of my sons.
Dads, did God give you a FREE WILL to chose how to run your life? Did He give us His word to govern our lives by? If your answer is yes, then you’re saying FATHER God trusted us as His children to make good, Godly decisions based on the training He made available to us. From my view, our relationships with our children are meant to be a mirror image of the relationship He intends us to have with Him.
SO my fellow Christian Dads, when faced with the dating issue, don’t hold on too tight. This is a place to stand in faith; you sowed God’s word into them, now watch them bless you. |
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